Comments on: You Are Enough: Encouraging Actors To Take Their Power Back http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/ The Acting Room is a place by actors for actors. Sun, 20 May 2012 03:25:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.1 By: Kirsten Tretbar http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-395 Kirsten Tretbar Tue, 26 Jul 2011 22:29:04 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-395 Dear Angela, YOU are exactly why I wrote this post, and YOU are not only enough, you are complete, perfect, whole, lovely, talented, marvelous, smart, and you can trust your instincts. If it feels bad, it IS bad -- this is something that's taken me many years to understand. It's not you, it's them. If someone creeps you out, it's because that person is being creepy, not because you are misinterpreting what they've said, or their intentions, but because your "creep-o-meter" is always honest and just trying to say, "this person is a jerk, move on!" Trust your gut, and your inner strong parent, to keep you safe at all times, and if someone is hurting you in any way (subtle verbal or emotional abuse is incredibly destructive, especially to us tender-hearted artists) -- then tell them to stop, and walk away! Good for you. You go girl! And thanks all of you for sharing your stories and supporting one another! Kirsten Dear Angela,
YOU are exactly why I wrote this post, and YOU are not only enough, you are complete, perfect, whole, lovely, talented, marvelous, smart, and you can trust your instincts. If it feels bad, it IS bad — this is something that’s taken me many years to understand. It’s not you, it’s them. If someone creeps you out, it’s because that person is being creepy, not because you are misinterpreting what they’ve said, or their intentions, but because your “creep-o-meter” is always honest and just trying to say, “this person is a jerk, move on!” Trust your gut, and your inner strong parent, to keep you safe at all times, and if someone is hurting you in any way (subtle verbal or emotional abuse is incredibly destructive, especially to us tender-hearted artists) — then tell them to stop, and walk away! Good for you. You go girl! And thanks all of you for sharing your stories and supporting one another! Kirsten

]]> By: angela joy http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-394 angela joy Tue, 26 Jul 2011 14:38:48 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-394 I just stumbled upon your site today and this blog couldn't have come at a more perfect time! I too have gone through similar situations in both high school and college acting programs. I have actually spent the past two weeks trying to sort through the effect those abusive situations have had. I am so grateful to all of you for sharing your experiences. It is reassuring to hear these feelings were valid. It is so easy to fall into the "not enough" trap when we don't take the time to really step back and process our negative experiences. Thank you for reminding me I'm not alone & that I need to remind myself I am enough more often. I look forward to reading more of your advice. Best wishes to all who come across this! I just stumbled upon your site today and this blog couldn’t have come at a more perfect time! I too have gone through similar situations in both high school and college acting programs. I have actually spent the past two weeks trying to sort through the effect those abusive situations have had. I am so grateful to all of you for sharing your experiences. It is reassuring to hear these feelings were valid. It is so easy to fall into the “not enough” trap when we don’t take the time to really step back and process our negative experiences. Thank you for reminding me I’m not alone & that I need to remind myself I am enough more often. I look forward to reading more of your advice. Best wishes to all who come across this!

]]> By: Kirsten Tretbar http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-349 Kirsten Tretbar Tue, 08 Feb 2011 04:19:54 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-349 You are enough! And you can see that your sharing your story has helped so many people, not just actors. I've even gotten about 10 private emails relating to your initial email to me, so see, you've helped others too! It's so important to share our lives and our struggles with one another, not just the good stories, but also the bad. This way, we know that we are not only enough, we are also, not alone. You are not alone. We're all here to help and support one another. I have a feeling you'd make an amazing teacher some day! I wish you so much love and encouragement, luck, and happiness. Hang in there, okay? And stay in touch! - Kirsten You are enough! And you can see that your sharing your story has helped so many people, not just actors. I’ve even gotten about 10 private emails relating to your initial email to me, so see, you’ve helped others too! It’s so important to share our lives and our struggles with one another, not just the good stories, but also the bad. This way, we know that we are not only enough, we are also, not alone. You are not alone. We’re all here to help and support one another. I have a feeling you’d make an amazing teacher some day! I wish you so much love and encouragement, luck, and happiness. Hang in there, okay? And stay in touch! - Kirsten

]]> By: Kirsten Tretbar http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-348 Kirsten Tretbar Tue, 08 Feb 2011 04:12:06 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-348 Dear G, Sorry it's taken me awhile to reply to your sincere and very sweet comment, but I wanted to do so. Gosh yes, about what you said about working with directors and other people in the "industry." You don't have to be an actor to find yourself being hurtled around a million different emotions, obstacles, and bad decisions made by exhausted, and often insensitive directors (and others on a set). I hear horror stories every day about "crazymaker" directors who have no clue how they are hurting, or ignoring, or mistreating their staff. What you, and I know you do, must always keep in mind is that the poor director is so stressed because they never have enough money (meaning really, time) to do what they want to do, and they HAVE to keep it all rolling forward from day to day, on the shoot or in rehearsal. UG! I think my favorite movie of all time is Waiting For Guffman for this reason! The way Christopher Guest plays the director, who's totally clueless, and then passive aggressive to his music director yelling "I Can't HEAR YOU!" when he's whispering, is a classic scene, and the way he manipulates his cast and goes into a funk and they all run to his aid and ask him back, again, this is classic! Hilarious AND heartbreaking. As I've gotten older, I've gotten less patient, and as a result, yes, even I have lost some jobs. But I always feel it's more important to go to a director in private and tell him your feelings (in a nice way, working to make them feel good, as if it's THEIR idea...) Then at least you've had your say. Never a good thing to say no in front of others (the way they do to you! ha ha!) But one time, I did have my say in front of a director, when he was totally verbally abusing me, and I said, "you cannot treat me that way. I am not 5. I have feelings and I am an adult, and you can not yell at me. I expect an apology." I later got fired. But I think God was protecting me. I always feel that the right thing happens. Especially when I was in the right, you know? I no longer allow myself to be treated like a door mat. I deserve dignity and respect like the next person, and so do you! I'm not encouraging rocking the boat, but a strong, firm, no, is justified in some circumstances. And yes, always remember, that if you FEEL it, it's TRUE. If it FEELS manipulative, it IS manipulative. I highly recommend an incredible book that changed my life called "Boundaries" by Anne Katherine. It taught me to stand up for myself, even if that means just walking out of the room to cool down. No one deserves to be yelled at. When that happens, you have every right to say, "I'm leaving now, this feels uncomfortable. We can talk when you cool down." Then leave. Good luck with your career, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming to my blog. And thank you too for your comments! We've all got to hang in there together and help each other get through this crazy profession and wonderful complex life we are all trying to live with love and depth, right? :-) - Kirsten Dear G,
Sorry it’s taken me awhile to reply to your sincere and very sweet comment, but I wanted to do so. Gosh yes, about what you said about working with directors and other people in the “industry.” You don’t have to be an actor to find yourself being hurtled around a million different emotions, obstacles, and bad decisions made by exhausted, and often insensitive directors (and others on a set). I hear horror stories every day about “crazymaker” directors who have no clue how they are hurting, or ignoring, or mistreating their staff. What you, and I know you do, must always keep in mind is that the poor director is so stressed because they never have enough money (meaning really, time) to do what they want to do, and they HAVE to keep it all rolling forward from day to day, on the shoot or in rehearsal. UG! I think my favorite movie of all time is Waiting For Guffman for this reason! The way Christopher Guest plays the director, who’s totally clueless, and then passive aggressive to his music director yelling “I Can’t HEAR YOU!” when he’s whispering, is a classic scene, and the way he manipulates his cast and goes into a funk and they all run to his aid and ask him back, again, this is classic! Hilarious AND heartbreaking. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten less patient, and as a result, yes, even I have lost some jobs. But I always feel it’s more important to go to a director in private and tell him your feelings (in a nice way, working to make them feel good, as if it’s THEIR idea…) Then at least you’ve had your say. Never a good thing to say no in front of others (the way they do to you! ha ha!) But one time, I did have my say in front of a director, when he was totally verbally abusing me, and I said, “you cannot treat me that way. I am not 5. I have feelings and I am an adult, and you can not yell at me. I expect an apology.” I later got fired. But I think God was protecting me. I always feel that the right thing happens. Especially when I was in the right, you know? I no longer allow myself to be treated like a door mat. I deserve dignity and respect like the next person, and so do you! I’m not encouraging rocking the boat, but a strong, firm, no, is justified in some circumstances. And yes, always remember, that if you FEEL it, it’s TRUE. If it FEELS manipulative, it IS manipulative. I highly recommend an incredible book that changed my life called “Boundaries” by Anne Katherine. It taught me to stand up for myself, even if that means just walking out of the room to cool down. No one deserves to be yelled at. When that happens, you have every right to say, “I’m leaving now, this feels uncomfortable. We can talk when you cool down.” Then leave. Good luck with your career, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming to my blog. And thank you too for your comments! We’ve all got to hang in there together and help each other get through this crazy profession and wonderful complex life we are all trying to live with love and depth, right? :-) - Kirsten

]]> By: Kirsten Tretbar http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-347 Kirsten Tretbar Tue, 08 Feb 2011 03:53:48 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-347 Hi Steph, Sorry it's taken me so much time to reply to your comment. I just don't now much about Imperial Beach Ca. As always, what I recommend for EVERYONE is to go to college. You can ALWAYS take acting classes in college even if you choose to major in something else. As a past professor in Anthropology, I always recommend majoring in something Liberal Arts based, something maybe in the Humanities or Social Sciences, like English, Art, History, Psychology, Sociology, or Anthropology. This will broaden your cultural and social outlook on the world and teach you so much about it. As an actor/actress you really need to understand the world and history and culture, because you will be playing parts from all over the world and through out time. If you have no clue about Victorian England, how can you play a part in a GB Shaw play? If you don't know about Elizabethan England, how can you have the lead in a Shakespearian play? If you're playing a depressed housewife about to commit suicide because her husband has passed away in a war, and don't know anything about warfare, depression, relationships, how can you play such a role? You get my drift. If you love art and drawing and painting, then study that. You should always FOLLOW YOUR BLISS! Following what you LOVE will always bring you the most joy. It may not bring you the most money, but it will lead you to a fulfilled life. I myself love taking care of others and helping people figure out who they are and what they love to do, and how to become that (thus this site) -- and so I've studied lots of psychology and anthropology, and I love to think about what makes people "tick" - what motivates them, whether it's the way they were brought up, or their culture, that kind of thing, and that makes me a better and more inspired actress, teacher, writer, filmmaker. I could have never made my documentary, ZENITH, if I hadn't majored in Anthropology. I'm glad at this point, even though I DID get my Masters in Theatre, that I actually studied other things in undergrad. I hope this helps. Believe in yourself, Google the internet to find local teachers, audit classes. You can DO IT! And I highly recommend going to Sam French's Bookshop on line if you can't get to the one in Hollywood. They have some GREAT resource books for people looking for teachers, acting scenes, and inspiration. Keep on acting and keep coming back! Hi Steph,
Sorry it’s taken me so much time to reply to your comment. I just don’t now much about Imperial Beach Ca. As always, what I recommend for EVERYONE is to go to college. You can ALWAYS take acting classes in college even if you choose to major in something else. As a past professor in Anthropology, I always recommend majoring in something Liberal Arts based, something maybe in the Humanities or Social Sciences, like English, Art, History, Psychology, Sociology, or Anthropology. This will broaden your cultural and social outlook on the world and teach you so much about it. As an actor/actress you really need to understand the world and history and culture, because you will be playing parts from all over the world and through out time. If you have no clue about Victorian England, how can you play a part in a GB Shaw play? If you don’t know about Elizabethan England, how can you have the lead in a Shakespearian play? If you’re playing a depressed housewife about to commit suicide because her husband has passed away in a war, and don’t know anything about warfare, depression, relationships, how can you play such a role? You get my drift. If you love art and drawing and painting, then study that. You should always FOLLOW YOUR BLISS! Following what you LOVE will always bring you the most joy. It may not bring you the most money, but it will lead you to a fulfilled life. I myself love taking care of others and helping people figure out who they are and what they love to do, and how to become that (thus this site) — and so I’ve studied lots of psychology and anthropology, and I love to think about what makes people “tick” - what motivates them, whether it’s the way they were brought up, or their culture, that kind of thing, and that makes me a better and more inspired actress, teacher, writer, filmmaker. I could have never made my documentary, ZENITH, if I hadn’t majored in Anthropology. I’m glad at this point, even though I DID get my Masters in Theatre, that I actually studied other things in undergrad. I hope this helps. Believe in yourself, Google the internet to find local teachers, audit classes. You can DO IT! And I highly recommend going to Sam French’s Bookshop on line if you can’t get to the one in Hollywood. They have some GREAT resource books for people looking for teachers, acting scenes, and inspiration. Keep on acting and keep coming back!

]]> By: Geraldine http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-337 Geraldine Wed, 12 Jan 2011 21:09:42 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-337 Wow! This really hit home for me. Although I'm a musician and not an actor, I got really touched by the part about how as artists we are emphatic and we take in a lot of pain, and then we feel angst and don't know why. It was a nice reassurance too when you wrote about how our feelings are always right. I always find it tough in the real world when bosses are tough (I'm a music director, so I'm thinking director, producer, even stage managers here) to know what to say back to them without putting your position in jeopardy. I'm always afraid that if I speak I'll make the matter worst, or I'll create drama for no reason. This was a fantastic post! People rarely speak this truthfully about the difficulty of being artist beyond the finding jobs part. Thank you so much for it. Wow! This really hit home for me. Although I’m a musician and not an actor, I got really touched by the part about how as artists we are emphatic and we take in a lot of pain, and then we feel angst and don’t know why.
It was a nice reassurance too when you wrote about how our feelings are always right. I always find it tough in the real world when bosses are tough (I’m a music director, so I’m thinking director, producer, even stage managers here) to know what to say back to them without putting your position in jeopardy. I’m always afraid that if I speak I’ll make the matter worst, or I’ll create drama for no reason.
This was a fantastic post! People rarely speak this truthfully about the difficulty of being artist beyond the finding jobs part. Thank you so much for it.

]]> By: Stephanie M http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-336 Stephanie M Wed, 05 Jan 2011 05:59:41 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-336 I am impressed of all what you had to endure. I really could not withstand if I had those experiences, I don’t think i would have the strength to continue after all that pain and humiliation. And the truth of me is that I’m afraid of University why? Because I know that anyone can go through those experiences in college. And a person like you with this experience what will you do in my case. I live in Imperial Beach California, and I don't know what’s the next step I need to take. I would like to study painting - draw, but I have more experience on it. In acting I’ve only been in 3 plays but I am not skilled, as I need. And what I want are classes to obtain the skills one needs to be an actor. What I want is to act on television and movies, not in the theater. So now I can go to college, but I will like to go to a school of acting. These schools are only focused on acting skills etc. and if you want you can quit every time and you pay per month. Then if you were me what will you do?. And do you know of good private schools near Imperial Beach or California? Your answer its very important for me n_n and i will wait I am impressed of all what you had to endure. I really could not withstand if I had those experiences, I don’t think i would have the strength to continue after all that pain and humiliation. And the truth of me is that I’m afraid of University why? Because I know that anyone can go through those experiences in college. And a person like you with this experience what will you do in my case. I live in Imperial Beach California, and I don’t know what’s the next step I need to take. I would like to study painting - draw, but I have more experience on it. In acting I’ve only been in 3 plays but I am not skilled, as I need. And what I want are classes to obtain the skills one needs to be an actor. What I want is to act on television and movies, not in the theater.

So now I can go to college, but I will like to go to a school of acting. These schools are only focused on acting skills etc. and if you want you can quit every time and you pay per month. Then if you were me what will you do?. And do you know of good private schools near Imperial Beach or California?

Your answer its very important for me n_n and i will wait

]]> By: Kirsten Tretbar http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-335 Kirsten Tretbar Sat, 11 Dec 2010 23:22:03 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-335 Thanks for your comments L and John. About the dating. I often back date some of my posts in case I get the urge to write more in the next weeks after it or something, that way I can actually go on a writing spree if I need it! I posted this, I think, in reality about 4 days ago. Glad you like the site and the info. I'm just trying to help motivate, inspire, and encourage everyone in ways that I felt I never was. Good luck with your grad program, and I always welcome post ideas. - Kirsten Thanks for your comments L and John. About the dating. I often back date some of my posts in case I get the urge to write more in the next weeks after it or something, that way I can actually go on a writing spree if I need it! I posted this, I think, in reality about 4 days ago. Glad you like the site and the info. I’m just trying to help motivate, inspire, and encourage everyone in ways that I felt I never was. Good luck with your grad program, and I always welcome post ideas. - Kirsten

]]> By: L http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-334 L Sat, 11 Dec 2010 23:05:19 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-334 Great post! I've been thinking about these issues myself. I'm not in an acting program yet. I'm actually getting my BA degree in something not related to acting. It can be helpful with acting though. I plan on moving to LA in the summer and taking classes. I was experiencing some of the things listed in my own life and was thinking of going to counseling because it gets to you after awhile. I still may. It's hard to deal with it and try to get yourself in a position to move on. Very hard. I really needed to read this. It says you published this on the 1st. I didn't see it until today even though I click on the site regularly. Interesting. :) Well the timing was perfect anyway! Thanks! John, I want to say I wish you the best. You obviously have something or you wouldn't have been able to get in and finish a MFA program. Be proud of that! You have perseverance. That is a really great trait in an actor. Great post! I’ve been thinking about these issues myself. I’m not in an acting program yet. I’m actually getting my BA degree in something not related to acting. It can be helpful with acting though. I plan on moving to LA in the summer and taking classes. I was experiencing some of the things listed in my own life and was thinking of going to counseling because it gets to you after awhile. I still may. It’s hard to deal with it and try to get yourself in a position to move on. Very hard.

I really needed to read this. It says you published this on the 1st. I didn’t see it until today even though I click on the site regularly. Interesting. :) Well the timing was perfect anyway! Thanks!

John, I want to say I wish you the best. You obviously have something or you wouldn’t have been able to get in and finish a MFA program. Be proud of that! You have perseverance. That is a really great trait in an actor.

]]> By: John http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-329 John Thu, 09 Dec 2010 22:12:33 +0000 http://theactingroom.com/2010/12/01/you-are-enough-encouraging-actors-to-take-their-power-back/#comment-329 Thank you soooo much for your insightful and encouraging reply. You have given me a lot I can use to build my confidence as an actor. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who suffered the grad school nightmares, and the battles with angst, bitterness and regret that follow. I will remind myself that I am enough! Thank you soooo much for your insightful and encouraging reply. You have given me a lot I can use to build my confidence as an actor. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who suffered the grad school nightmares, and the battles with angst, bitterness and regret that follow. I will remind myself that I am enough!

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